I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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