The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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