and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
