he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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