I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
