I queefed so loud it echoed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
