Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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