if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
