Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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