Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
