will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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