those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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