The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
