I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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