I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
