just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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