I'm so fucking centered right now
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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