I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
