She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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