she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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