So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
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