Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
