for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
