when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
