It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
well you can't waste a boner
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
