He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
