Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
