I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
