I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize