i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Drunk is not a location!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize