the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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