I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
