Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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