he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
