the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize