what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
