Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
