we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
