why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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