You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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