The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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