Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
porn star boner night. come get it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
