Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
