Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
