My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
