I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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