You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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