Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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