Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
