just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
