My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
