If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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