i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
