I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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