I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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