Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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