I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
