there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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