So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
