I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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