If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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