he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize