I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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