I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
