Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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