you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
