a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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