I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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