Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize