someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
