Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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