Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
