I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
