I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
