so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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