How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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