WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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