Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
